She did it on purpose, how can any person be that mean?

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    Jenny
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    Registration date : 2009-05-12

    She did it on purpose, how can any person be that mean?

    Post by Jenny on Wed Apr 28, 2010 6:32 am

    ”Hon smittade mig med mening”


    ”She gave it to me on purpose”

    I listened to his words and it tore inside of my heart. How could anyone be this evil?



    ~*~
    This is directly translated from Swedish. The assignment was to write about another human being that has touched us. The teacher wanted us to see from this person’s perspective, this person’s world, feel what this person felt. We would remain anonymous and let our class mates read the story for later on discuss it. What did we feel reading this?

    I didn’t chose a situation with a patient that many did. I chosed a situation from my own life. No other situation have touched me deeper than this.


    I asked the guy who I am writing about if it was ok if I wrote about him for class. He said yes. As long as I didn’t tell anyone who he was. He also agreed to this dark-profile picture.

    You don’t have to respond to this if you feel that you don’t want to touch this subject. I know it’s tough for many and that it raises many angry feelings against me. But please, read.


    I want to let it out. I want to share this.




    ~*~



    I met a guy who was a friend to a friend’s friend a month ago or so. We became friends and I was as usual making clear that I wanted it to stay that way. I’ve trust issues after my last abusive boyfriend. He understood and it felt like he accepted it, even though I still felt that he was clearly interested.

    Two weeks ago I felt the need of lying beside a male and watch a movie. We ended up snuggling, then our hands ended up beneath our clothes. But I noticed that his touches was slightly held-back. So I said that it was okay, that we could wait. He gave me the answer that he thought it was good to wait. Inwardly, I was frustrated. I’m not used to this kind of situation. So I asked what was wrong and he answered that he didn’t really know what I wanted with this. I again admitted that I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend, but that I liked him, a lot, and that it felt right being with him. He was nice. I told him that I was very careful with relationships after my ex. That I had trust issues. That I wanted to feel good about everything. That I wanted to live a carefree life. He said that he understood and we ended up snuggling again and… and I wanted him. I found myself a little irritated with him and I think he noticed it. I could feel his heart racing, I could feel the hard beats through my skin. Not being able to hold back I asked him straight out what the problem was. He sat up and said that he needed to tell me something.


    He told me about his weird ex that he had mentioned before, a girl who’s originally from Thailand, but this time he finished the story. He said that he tested himself after breaking up with her to see if he had got any sexually transmitted disease. He had told me earlier that she had given him chlamydia, but now I realized that that wasn’t the only thing he had received from her…


    ”Did she give you HIV?”


    He nodded and his eyes filled with tears which started running down his cheeks.

    His ex had infected him on purpose. He had protected himself, but still she had managed to infect him. He cried and said that he couldn’t understand how a person could be that mean… She had laughed at him as he confronted her



    ”She infected me on purpose”


    He said that he thinks she infected him by biting her tongue then licking him way far back in his mouth. This apparently is the easiest way to infect someone discreetly.



    It felt like I was being stabbed by knives inside of me. I wiped his tears and hugged him tightly. I could have strangled that girl if I got my hands on her… I was so angry. I think I have never felt this much compassion for any another human being in my whole life. It was heartbreaking hearing this. He said that he told me this because he trusted me. He didn’t want anyone in our real lifes to know about this. He had thought that we would only remain friends, but since I showed tendency to want more he just felt filthy and mean. But I said that he shouldn’t feel that way, since I was the one to push


    ”I was the one who took the step”


    I wiped his tears and asked him to tell me what everything meant. Even though I have good knowledge about HIV I thought it was good for him to tell someone about it. I already know what it meant and how it was affecting him and how it could affect me. He shook his head and said that I already knew everything. We ended up where we stopped and slept with each other –of course protected.




    Since then we’ve had sex again, and again. Sometimes when we’ve made love I’ve felt that he’s touching me in a stressful way, heard him breathing differently and felt his racing heart in his chest. He said that he’s afraid. Afraid that he’ll fall in love with me and that it wont happen anything between us. I answered him that even if it doesn’t happen anything between us it isn’t because of his sickness and that I’ve told him this before I even know he carried the virus.

    He took this to his heart and told me that he had felt so much better since he told me about this. And that I’ve proven something to him –that there's hope.


    He got infected an half-year back. His ex had another boyfriend in the meantime they were together. But eventually her two boyfriends came in contact with each other and discovered that she had lied about many things. Today this woman is wanted in Sweden and most believe that she doesn’t dare to come back. He heard from a contact abroad that this girl was someone you should be wary of, she was only interested in killing men.




    I know that many people consider me as an idiot. That I'm foolish. That I’m an idiot that sleeps with a guy who has HIV. A dear friend to me who’s the only one I’ve told this between four eyes (he said it was okay since she lives abroad now days) said that I seem to have an affection for dangerous men. But in my eyes he’s a normal guy who been through hell. He’s enormously kind and humble. He’s scared to death that he’ll infect me. But we’ve been recommended that as long as we keep it safe the risk of getting infected is very low. I’ve followed him to this welfare officer he’s going to.


    Before judging me I want you to remember what we’ve learnt through our studies. HIV isn’t that highly contagious as people believed it was some years ago and still believes. I’m not saying you should take it lightly –of course you should be wary of it and stay protective. I’m not going to justify myself in this tell since you all know what I know.
    It’s a bigger risk to have sex with someone unprotected who says that he/she is clean.




    This is a person that have touched me deeply. And I want to thank him for doing so.

    He’ll always have a place in my heart.
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    Rogue
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    Re: She did it on purpose, how can any person be that mean?

    Post by Rogue on Wed Apr 28, 2010 9:43 am

    Aw, this is so sad! I really hope the woman responsible is brought to justice. It baffles me how anyone can be so cruel, and I believe there's a special place in hell for people like her, who intentionally destroy lives. It's a tragic situation, but at least he found someone with compassion, and an understanding of what he's dealing with... and someone to talk to.


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    Jenny
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    Re: She did it on purpose, how can any person be that mean?

    Post by Jenny on Thu Apr 29, 2010 1:42 am

    I hope so too. I've always wanted to believe that there's good in everyone. Hearing him telling me this really put me down on the ground.

    There's nothing that can justify what she has done to him.



    Even in this modern time we're living in people still have preconception about HIV. It scares me. People are so ignorant. That's why he doesn't want anyone to know since he doesn't want people to treat him differently and be afraid of him. Of course he understands why they treat him differently over at the hospitals etc. I know from own experiences how careful we are.

    I've been to a few courses with this guy to learn more about relationship with someone who has HIV, with one of the country's best doctors of infection. If you follow the recommendations there's no reason to fear a person with HIV. There are many who lives together with a partner with HIV.

    It's sad that people aren't more informed.


    I was relieved to hear during our discussion in class that quite much people didn't believe the person (me) was an idiot. That we weren't trapped in the 80's and that as long recommendations were followed there was no reason to fear him.
    It meant a lot to him hearing this too.


    Thanks for your feed-back. Meant a lot reading your reply *huggles* This is something that I needed to get out of my chest and getting a response means a lot.. went straight to my heart.

    Thank you

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